DRIVERS on their way to a new incinerator in the Vale ‘would be sacked’ if they were caught using narrow country lanes, a meeting has hard.

On Tuesday John Plant, director at energy firm WRG, said drivers serving the controversial plant in Calvert would be monitored.

He said fears over heavy vehicles on narrow lanes were far of the mark, stating: “Drivers in breach of approved routes will be disciplined, sacked.”

Mr Plant also hit out at ‘misleading’ claims over the health dangers of the plant, which could be given planning permission on Friday, saying: “We will publish on the internet data on the performance of the Greatmoor so residents can be confident it is operating safely.”

Also speaking on behalf of the project was TV science star Johnny Ball, who told councillors: “In terms of energy for waste, we must move in that direction.”

SATURDAY

The Million Pound Drop Live (Channel 4, 9.45pm)

Why has this quiz show become such a hit? Well, the size of the prize is definitely a draw.

The fact it’s live also adds to the tension, but perhaps its main selling-point is the fact it’s interactive.

Once upon a time viewers would have been screaming the right answers at the TV, but now the advent of the internet means devotees can play along at home and see if they really would have done any better themselves.

Naturally, the contestants would point out that playing online under an alias is very different from answering the questions on live TV with an actual pile of £50 notes in front of you, so let’s hope they can keep their cool in the last episode of the current series.

Sunday

Vera (ITV1, 9pm)

Brenda Blethyn is back for a new run as DCI Vera Stanhope, bringing bad people to book on her patch in Northumberland.

The first story sees Vera reunited with her first ever sergeant, Stuart Macken in tragic circumstances.

Stuart’s house is petrol-bombed; he’s left badly burned, but it’s the injuries to his daughter he can’t deal with, culminating in him committing suicide.

Vera is devastated, but that terrible event makes her all the more determined to find out who carried out the initial attack

Monday

The Gadget Show: World Tour (Five, 8pm)

For years Suzi Perry, Ortis Deley and Jon Bentley tried out the latest toys for The Gadget Show, but then the powers that be decided it was time for a change.

Now Jason Bradbury and fellow TGS survivor Pollyanna Woodward are embarking on The Gadget Show: World Tour.

First stop is Tokyo, a place that isn’t exactly a stranger to gadgets.

Tuesday

Hidden Talent (Channel 4, 9pm)

If you can sing like an angel, train dogs to dance, or get an entire auditorium chanting ‘Where me keys, where me phone’, then The Voice or Britain’s Got Talent are the shows for you.

But what if your gifts are a little less obvious, or your skills so latent, even you don’t know what they are? Well, Channel 4 has come up with a new series that could just tap into your potential, and even change your life.

Wednesday 25/04/12

Queen Victoria’s Last Love (Channel 4, 9pm)

As Britain prepares to celebrate the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee, this fascinating documentary tells the hidden story of the only other British monarch to have achieved such a milestone and her controversial friendship with Indian servant Abdul Karim.

His position broke racial and class taboos at the time, and ultimately led to a confrontation between the Queen and her family in 1897 which threatened to disrupt her Diamond Jubilee celebrations.

Thursday

Grandma’s House (BBC Two, 10pm)

The knowing sitcom about the life of Simon Amstell, the acerbic comedian and presenter whose days are far from easy, makes a welcome return.

He writes it, he plays a version of himself, and all around him his unimpressed family finds new ways of bringing him down a peg or two. Rebecca Front and Samantha Spiro are the pick of the bunch.

Friday

VIP (Channel 4, 9.30pm)

This new, six-part comedy show features spot-on impersonations of the likes of Fearne Cotton, Adele, Bear Grylls, Frankie Boyle, Barack Obama, Russell Brand and many, many more, by Morgana Robinson and Terry Mynott, who has leapt straight to the big time on the back of a hugely popular YouTube clip.

Big things are expected of him, particularly as he’s fronting his own sitcom, The Mimic, soon.

Looks like Alistair McGowan and John Culshaw have something to worry about.

Robinson says: “We’re poking fun at celebrity culture, basically, in a way that I think is appropriate for the time that we’re in, and how ridiculous celebrity has become.”

Ends

NEARLY 150 chickens were found dead in crushed mounds after a hot air balloon literally scared them to death.

Worker at Bradmoor Farm in Haddenham, Sharon Lester, said that after a hot air balloon had flown low over the area, she entered a barn to find four large mounds of what she described as ‘squashed’ chicken corpses.

It is thought the birds had climbed on top of one another in a desperate attempt to escape the large red Virgin balloon which, it is thought, they had seen from a shed window.

“The farmers warned me that things like this could happen, but this was nothing like I’d ever seen before,” said Sharon.

“I’d opened up the shed to collect their eggs and there they were. I thought to begin with there was only a few, but as we began pulling them out I soon began to realise there was so many.

“Some of them didn’t even have legs after we pulled them out, and some of their faces were actually stuck to the floor.

“It was awful, they must have been so scared. As an animal lover, it was so upsetting for me to see them like that.”

Farmer Ian Parkinson, of Folly Farm, around half a mile from Bradmoor, says he has lost calves in previous years due to the panic which air balloons can cause to animals.

After the chickens were discovered, farmer Steve Collins contacted Virgin Balloon Flights who have since offered him compensation and a balloon flight. The pilot also visited the farm to apologise.

A spokesman from Virgin said: “One of our balloons took off from Quainton Railway Centre carrying 16 passengers on Friday morning and landed just south of the village of Haddenham around an hour later. During the flight the balloon flew over Bradmoor Farm on Stanbridge Road.

“The farm is not marked as an area to avoid on ballooning maps and the balloon was at the legally required height. The pilot was unaware of any incident until receiving information later and returned to the farm immediately. In his 25 years of flying he has not known chickens react like this, but he is very sorry.”

TWITCHERS rejoice and pigeons beware – peregrine falcons are breeding in Aylesbury,

A pair of the world’s fastest animals, which can reach speeds of 200mph, have laid three eggs at the top of County Hall.

Naturalists have hailed the news and it is hoped that the chicks’ arrival at the end of April could even boost tourism to the town.

Already a web cam has been installed so people can keep an eye on the nest, and after the chicks are born events will be held in the town centre to celebrate their arrival.

Matt Dodds, biodiversity officer at Aylesbury Vale District Council, said: “It is so exciting, Aylesbury will be in the middle of something like a wildlife documentary.

“Birds will be flying around eating pigeons over Aylesbury.

“It’s going to be like watching dog fights in the Second World War, then we will be able to see them feeding the dead pigeons to their chicks. It could be fabulous.”

The web cam has already picked up the peculiar image, above, of a brave (or stupid) pigeon perched next to one of the falcons. Mr Dodds said that as peregrine falcons stoop on their prey from the air, the pigeon was in no real danger.

At the moment each falcon will eat a pigeon every other day.

“When the young hatch then five peregrines will need feeding. At its peak it could reach five pigeons a day, but that’s speculation, we have got all that to find out.”

It is thought that these are the same falcons who laid eggs in the same spot last year. Sadly, these did not hatch, but Mr Dodds is optimistic the pair will be more successful this time around.

“That was their first attempt. We presume they are young birds and often the first attempt is not successful because they are still learning and maturing.”

Mr Dodds said that County Hall also offered the birds protection from poachers.

“We should never be complacent but hopefully the location and the security associated with it, plus the staff at County Hall who are all very into the peregrines, means they should be safe.”

The district council is now planning events to celebrate the chicks’ birth.

This is likely to include a stall in the town centre giving information on the birds, showing videos and giving access to binoculars and telescopes to view them.

Mr Dodds said: “We are hoping people will come from miles around to watch the peregrines and hopefully it will bring people to the town.”

The district council, spearheaded by barn owls officer Dave Short, worked with volunteers, members of Bucks Bird Club and Buckinghamshire County Council officers to create the nesting platform in 2008.

Thanks to an anonymous donation, the council was able to purchase two web cameras, costing more than £1,000, to monitor their progress.

The cameras were installed earlier this year and footage can be viewed on the council’s website.

HS2 will barely break even, according to campaigners who have been studying new figures from the Department for Transport.

The latest cost-benefits research shows that the expected return of £2.40 for every £1 spent has now fallen to a return of just £1.20.

In response the 51m group of 19 councils which oppose the high speed line have called on the government to drop the plans.

Martin Tett, the leader of Bucks County Council and chairman of 51m, said: “Every time it has been reviewed, the value for hard-earned taxpayers’ money has fallen and fallen. Normally the Department for Transport wouldn’t look at any business case with a return of less than two. But here we have a project that barely breaks even and in reality will almost certainly lose an enormous amount of money.”

Mike Fox, chairman of the Chilterns Conservation Board, said: “Not only will it cause immense damage to the environment, even the government now accepts that HS2 is an economic basket case.”

Stop HS2 campaign spokesman Joe Rukin said: “The economic case is founded on the fact that everyone on HS2 will earn £70,000 per annum, that no-one at all works on trains and that people faced with a shorter journey time won’t simply spend longer in bed. It is simply irresponsible to proceed with HS2.”

THE family of former Bee Gee Robin Gibb are holding a bedside vigil as the popular star battles through a coma.

Robin, 62, whose family has lived in Thame for many years, was admitted into a London hospital last Friday with pneumonia and has been in a coma ever since.

He was diagnosed with colon cancer after surgery for a blocked bowel in 2010, with the disease later spreading to his liver.

His latest setback comes after a series of operations and treatments, and amid reports of a new tumour.

Dwina, his children and his brother Barry have been praying at his bedside at a private hospital in Chelsea, West London.

His website, www.robingibb.com, has been down for the last few days due to ‘excessive traffic,’ it says.

The site’s homepage now simply reads: “Sadly the reports are true that Robin has contracted pneumonia and is in a coma.

“We are all hoping and praying that he will pull through.”

On his Facebook page, fans have left Robin messages wishing the best to him and his family.

“Just keep fighting hard, it’s all you can do, my thoughts are with you and your family. I pray for you all,” says one tribute.

Another reads: “Praying loud and long for Robin.

“For the Gibbs’ family members, I know you are all at Robin’s side and he feels your love and strength.

“Please relay to him how much he is loved by his fans as well, and that we believe in miracles.”

Sadly, Robin was too ill to attend the London premiere of his classical piece, Titanic Requiem, last week, which he co-wrote with his son Robin-John Gibb.

Owners of The Book House in Thame, Brian and Louise Pattinson, were lucky enough to have been invited to the event by the Gibb family.

Brian described the event as moving, and said there ‘was not a dry eye in the place’ as Robin’s piece received a standing ovation.

I WAS considering the pros and cons of living alone (apart from the Spaniel) the other day and I suddenly realised that I am starting to quite enjoy it.

It was a bit difficult to start with when a funny film came on the telly or a piece of magical football happened on Match of the Day because laughing and showing delight on your own didn’t seem enjoyable but that’s changed.

I also revel in the fact that I can leave the ironing until I really feel like doing it, although I haven’t reached the same stage as my neighbour who doesn’t do any ironing at all; I find that a bit too lackadaisical but worth remembering for the future!

I also find it acceptable to be able to plan my day around the things that I think are important, perhaps all this is due to me becoming selfish but that’s not necessarily a bad thing is it?

Providing the selfishness doesn’t impeach on other people’s feelings.

The only real problem I have is that the dog is pretty selfish as well, so planning the day around two walks, supplying a plentiful quantity of tennis balls and food along with a comfortable seat in front of the TV during the evenings is top of my list.

This attitude is due to being in my mature time of life I am sure but there are moments when laughter is often better than being driven crazy.

A good example would be hearing a BBC Radio Five Live presenter asking a question of an expert during a recent news programme “Is the current shortage of water due to a lack of rain?”

Trust me I wasn’t hearing things, that was the question. It’s just possible that the shortage of decent questions is lack of brains my dear boy.

Come to think of it, I’ve just realised that one drawback of living on one’s own is not being able to achieve a decent roast dinner on a Sunday. I buy all the right ingredients and follow recipes slavishly, but the gravy turns out watery, the mashed spuds are lumpy and the vegetables are too hard.

The other thing is that sharing a weepy film is better than crying on your own and complaining about the weather is definitely a two person thing... come to think of it I’m lucky I’ve got the dog!

A TODDLER could soon lose the use of his legs, if his parents cannot raise £30,000 for surgery.

Four year old Charlie Owen of Meadowcroft, Aylesbury, was diagnosed with cerebral palsy in his legs at the age of 14 months, after his parents Emma and Steve had noticed he had not began to sit up or crawl.

“When we discovered his diagnosis we were absolutely devastated,” said mother-of-two Emma.

“His condition means he has to use a walker which fits behind him, and he leans on, to get around.

“Watching Charlie not being able to keep up with his friends is just heartbreaking, and soon he is going to ask why.

“At birthday parties if the children are playing musical statues for example, I have to pick him up so he can join in.

“He never groans or grumbles, but it’s such a shame for him.

“He’s four years old, he should be running around in the park or playing football.

“Instead, visits to physiotherapists and hospitals have just become normal for him.”

Currently, Charlie has a very high muscle tone in his legs and feet, leaving them permanently very tight, preventing him from walking or standing unaided.

And when he does walk, Charlie’s feet bend inwards because of the muscles, which is beginning to cause his shin bones to twist.

He therefore requires an operation to remove the ‘bad’ nerves in his spine which send messages to his muscles, causing them to grow at a different rate to his bones.

The effects of the surgery are permanent and while it will not reverse the damage already done to his bones, it will mean he can walk with very little deformity.

If he does not get the treatment he could, however, be left wheelchair-bound.

But the operation is not funded by the NHS as a matter of course, and will cost the family £30,000, which also includes the vital physiotherapy to rebuild his muscles post surgery.

“Charlie is such a bright, confident and cheeky little boy, and that’s the way we would like it to stay,” added Emma.

To sponsor Charlie so his parents can afford this life-changing operation, visit www.justgiving.com/Charlie-SDRsurgery

STUNNED district council staff have been told their jobs are set to go in a shake-up of customer services.

Last week 13 workers in Aylesbury Vale District Council’s customer services team were told they face the chop.

An insider told the Herald: “Just like that they’re going to be made redundant, including the management. They were all called to a meeting and told they’re being thrown on the waste pile. I just think people should be aware.”

The customer service department has been based in AVDC’s High Street offices.

A statement from the council said: “We are working towards moving as many transactions as possible to other channels such as web and phone, where this is practicable.

“Where this is not practicable the council will retain face-to-face service delivery.”

It said face-to-face transactions would be handled by ‘service specific’ staff by May 1.

The statement continued: “The council is doing all it can to redeploy the staff affected by this change in service delivery to other roles within the authority. However, and as with any such change, we cannot commit to doing this on an indefinite basis.”

PLANS for a town centre cemetery were revealed on Thursday.

Aylesbury Town Council could be extending Tring Road Cemetery in the town, building a memory garden and wild flower border and refurbishing the Grade II listed death house and chapel on the site.

There are also plans to build a permanent storage compound at the cemetery to hold machinery used for burial-related work, as well as the construction of new entrances and through roads for funeral processions.

Leader of the town council, Steve Patrick, estimated that the works could cost in the region of £150,000, although no exact figure is known yet.

“We are looking to keep the working space down to minimum with regards to the compound, and so are also building a memorial garden and such.

“We’re trying to give the area the look of an old-fashioned park, while maintaining the tranquillity of a cemetery. We want to make the area look as nice as we can for the people who have to go there.”

There have however been various complaints about the works voiced by nearby residents, 13 of whom turned up to the full council meeting on Thursday where a public debate took place, with ideas and concerns put to members.

A complaint about cemetery staff was also put forward, claiming they have been disturbing residents with noise, swearing and even urinating near the storage compound.

“Thursday night was actually very helpful with all the ideas that were put forward, and these will now be put to our consultants,” added Mr Patrick.

“But the staff at the cemetery are enormously proud of the work they do down there, and I can’t believe they are guilty of such things they have been accused of.”

Mr Patrick will however be discussing the complaints with the employees.

Residents have also raised concerns with regards the compound/service yard, and the lack of public consultation, although no permanent decisions have yet been made.

Nigel Shaw, who lives near the cemetery said: “A yard for all of the town council’s activities has no place in a cemetery where people have been laid to rest.

“The noise intrusion is already unacceptable for residents, many of whom are retired, and is set to increase when the yard is fully operational.

“The activities should be continued in their original locations. However, following a very positive meeting, I am looking forward to working with the council in finding a workable solution.”

Bee Gees singer Robin Gibb, who lives in Thame, has woken from a coma after more than a week and has begun to show signs of recovery according to his official spokesman.

Doug Wright said the star was able to nod and communicate with his family who have held a constant vigil at his beside in a central London hospital.

The 62-year-old fell into a coma after contracting pneumonia in his battle against colon and liver cancer.

Gibb’s wife Dwina has revealed he cried when she played him Roy Orbison’s 1962 song Crying.

Fellow Bee Gees star Barry Gibb had also been singing to his brother to try to rouse him.

WELCOME to summer – the first of the big blockbusters has arrived, which means that just about everything else has moved to one side to allow Marvel Avengers Assemble a clear run at the box office.

The formula is straightforward enough – reliable director Joss Whedon, bankable names galore in the shape of Chris Hemsworth, Scarlett Johansson, Robert Downey Jr, Chris Evans and Tom Hiddleston, and bucketloads of CGI and 3D excess as yet another comic book collective takes to the big screen.

We’ve seen most of those costumed crimefighters individually, and there’s an undeniable attraction in lumping them all together into one top team under the direction of peacekeeping agency head Samuel L. Jackson.

How will the very different superheroes rub along? Do you think, perchance, that there might be sparky conflict before they all learn that they have to work together to save the world?

It’s big, it’s clever, but it’s very long and there’s not much soul there. As a summer blockbuster, it has much to recommend it – but nothing much to remember it by.

> As a consequence of the Avengers avalanche, there are some interesting releases which may well not make it to your nearest multiplex.

That’s a shame, because Glenn Close’s turn as a woman driven to disguise herself as a man in period drama Albert Nobbs is an intriguing story and the cast is packed with star names.

Close won an Oscar nomination for her poignant performance in this pet project – it’s a role she first played on stage 30 years ago.

> On the frothier side there’s Damsels In Distress, in which three perky girls shake up a macho-heavy college campus

It sounds like a by the numbers piece of teen tosh but the prescence of cult writer/director Whit Stillman calling the shots make this worth seeking out.

Stillman, best known for The Last Days Of Disco way back in 1998, has been called the new Woody Allen, so it might be an idea to catch his work while it’s still funny.

> If you liked Made In Dagenham and have fond memories of The Full Monty there’s every chance you’ll be prepared to take a flutter on Outside Bet.

Rising name Sacha Bennett directs a cast of solid Brit performers like Bob Hoskins and Jenny Agutter in a story about seven pals who club together to buy and train a racehorse.

They pin their hopes on the nag while their day jobs in the print are under threat as Rupert Murdoch gets set to shake-up the 1980s national newspaper scene – can this unlikely steed rescue them from redundancy?

Chalk and cheese comedy ensues, and it’s all very heartwarming with a good eye for period detail.

Whether punters will seek it out at the cinema or wait for the DVD is open to question – the smart money is probably on the latter.

THREE people have been arrested in connection with an assault and dangerous driving in Aylesbury, police said this week.

After a crash involving three vehicles in Vale Park Drive, there was an altercation where a 22-year-old woman and a 20-year-old man suffered minor injuries.

Det Con Gemma Robinson, who is investigating the incident, said: “We believe that the collision was caused deliberately by one of the vehicles as they had been following the victims’ car through Aylesbury beforehand.

“The victims had a 17-month-old girl in the car at the time.

“The cars involved are a grey Kia Creed, an old style Volkswagen Polo and a black Renault Clio. A number of other drivers were held up by this incident so I’m sure there are other witnesses who may have information that could help us progress our investigation.”

Two 21-year-old men and a 23-year-old man have been arrested in connection with an incident, which happened between 10pm and 10.05pm on April 13.

They have been released on bail until 21 May.

Anyone with any information about this incident should contact Det Con Robinson via the Force enquiry centre on 101.

If you don't want to speak directly to the police you can contact the independent charity Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111 or online at crimestoppers-uk.org. No personal details are taken, information is not traced or recorded and you will not go to court.

A MAN was punched to the ground and robbed of his mobile phone and tablet computer in Aylesbury in the early hours of Friday morning.

The victim, a 23-year-old man, was approached from behind and punched to the floor in Tring Road between 1am and 1.30am.

He was then searched and an HTC mobile phone was stolen from his pocket and a Motorola tablet computer from his bag.

Case Investigator Tina Scott said: “The victim suffered swelling and bruising in the incident and needed hospital treatment at Stoke Mandeville Hospital.

“He was shaken by the incident and has been unable to provide detailed descriptions of the offenders. However, we believe that two men were involved.”

Anyone with any information about this incident should contact Case Investigator Scott via the Force enquiry centre on 101.

If you don't want to speak directly to the police you can contact the independent charity Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111 or online at crimestoppers-uk.org. No personal details are taken, information is not traced or recorded and you will not go to court.

HOSPITAL patients in Bucks are to be sold short by a shocking lack of funding, the boss at County Hall has claimed.

On Monday, Councillor Martin Tett, leader at Bucks County Council, said he was furious that a shake-up will mean the authority receives just £15 per resident to take on new responsibilities.

Neighbouring Oxfordshire will get twice that in government grants when local authorities take over responsibility for public health services next year.

Bosses were also urged to grill hospital chiefs to make sure they were ready for a surge in Aylesbury’s population.

At a cabinet meeting, Mr Tett told fellow members: “The idea that somehow we can have the lowest per capita funding of £15 per head, when Oxfordshire gets over £30 is completely irrational.

“We’ll make our views known to the government.”

Primary Care Trusts (PCTs) are to be scrapped, under the Government’s Health and Social Care bill.

After the meeting, Mr Tett said: “What they’ve done is looked at the money spent in the past financial year and based their figures on that.

“For us, that was a bad baseline to use because a lot of people were on maternity leave, and the PCT had to make sharp funding cuts.

“We’re not even sure we can maintain the current level of service.”

He said he had written to the county’s MPs, and would be lobbying the Government to make sure the matter is addressed.

During Monday’s meeting, Councillor Freda Roberts, Liberal Democrat, said she was alarmed at the number of new homes set to go up in the Vale and the impact this could have on health services.

She said: “I’m wondering if enough thought has been given to the number of properties being built in Aylesbury and the surrounding area.

“There’s a large amount of houses being produced.”

And Mrs Roberts continued: “It’s very worrying when we know these houses are coming, and they’re going to be full of people.

“Having been a nurse myself, I’m conscious of the shortcomings there could be.”

Chris Williams, County Hall’s chief executive, said: “We are working with our colleagues in health to make sure they know the current plans for housing in Aylesbury.”

He said Aylesbury Vale District Council is currently working on a core strategy, which will decide how many more homes are needed, and where they would go.

But Mr Williams added that there are a number of ‘hostile applications’ currently being considered, as developers put forward sites for housing.

Mr Tett warned that changes to Government planning guidelines could have an impact, which challenges lying ahead.

He said: “It will allow developers to come forwards with schemes that aren’t planned by the local authority that could complicate things, not only health. There are some quite serious times ahead.”

Councillor Patricia Birchley said she had asked NHS bosses about ‘futureproofing’ Stoke Mandeville Hospital.

THAME Flower Club celebrated its 50th anniversary with a special demonstration by national florist Tan Strong, followed by a tea party.

The event was held at Oxfordshire Golf Club and was enjoyed by all 60 members of the club.

This group is now getting ready for the start of its flower arranging year.

The club meets on the fourth Wednesday of each month starting at 2pm in Church House, Long Crendon with the annual subscription priced at £30.

ROCK guitar fans will be familiar with the shape of the iconic Gibson Les Paul electric guitar.

But this particular one is no ordinary Les Paul, which is why it’s on the market to the tune of £100,000.

It’s currently in the safe hands of Phil Carwardine, owner of Vintage and Modern Guitars, in Thame, who is arranging the sale for a customer of the one-off model that’s likely to cause one heck of a stir when its sale goes global.

Phil said: “It’s a 1960 Les Paul standard ‘burst’ (sunburst), which is pretty much the holy grail of guitars.

“It’s one of only about 1,700 that were made worldwide and as Les Pauls started about 1958, there aren’t many of the originals left.”

Aylesbury-born Phil, who went to John Colet school, moved into the Thame premises in Cornmarket about 16 months ago after running Vintage and Modern as a purely online business.

“Thame’s a cracking town,” said Phil.

“It has a good feel, a vibrant atmosphere and this is the right premises for it.”

The shop is tucked away in an alley next to Thame’s oldest pub, the Birdcage, and the historic, vaulted ceiling premises, featuring original beams, is stacked full of revered relic guitars alongside brand new models.

No mean guitar player himself, Phil showcases his fingerpicking ‘western swing’ skills at the James Figg pub in Thame, which has an open mic night on the first Thursday of every month.

Phil’s shop recently went ‘global’ and appears on the world famous Google 360, giving a ‘virtual walk’ around the premises after it was photographed two weeks ago.

Can it really be 15 years since the awesome Trainspotting put Scotland and drugs on the big screen in a smart, funny and engaging masterpiece based on the ground-breaking novel by Irvine Welsh?

Welsh followed up Trainspotting with a string of less successful novels in a similar style, and these included Ecstasy: Three Tales of Chemical Romance in 1996.

It tried hard to be a ‘Trainspotting for the E generation’ and now we have the cinematic adaptation of one of its short stories, The Undefeated…

‘Don’t do drugs’ is the message being drummed into a generation and Welsh has fun sniping at the oppressive government’s policy to crack down on chemically-induced happiness, but it all feels a bit ‘been there and seen this before.’

Anyway, meet Lloyd (Adam ‘Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj’ Sinclair) – pushing 30 and living for the weekend.

He earns a crust smuggling Es from Amsterdam for dodgy club boss Solo (Carlo ‘Saw V’ Rota), his life mostly a blur of drugged up happiness.

But despite the drugs, music and frantic sex with younger women – pick of the bunch being gorgeous newcomer Olivia Andrup as party girl Hazel – Lloyd’s life is shallow and unfulfilling.

Everything changes when he meets and falls for classy Canadian Heather (Kristin ‘Chuck’ Kreuk), who is trapped in a rubbish marriage to a pig headed loser and quite likes the novelty of the club scene. Is there love in the offing or will the drugs get in the way?

I remember reading the novel when it came out and being a little disappointed – and that’s exactly how I felt about the film version as well.

Director Rob Heydon plods through Welsh’s material in a worryingly pedestrian style.

It’s easy to spot what’s coming next just by noticing who gets introduced at the start.

The club scenes are probably the highlights, and the soundtrack features some great tunes from the likes of Orbital and Primal Scream.

But you can only take so many shots of people jumping around pretending to be off their nuts before you just get a bit bored.

So the wait for a really decent follow up to Trainspotting continues but there is a growing buzz around Filth, also based on a Welsh novel, which will be with us soon.

Overall Ecstasy is a trip you don’t need to take. It begins with a mild high but soon the rush wears off and all you’re left with is regret at having wasted your cash and a headache.

SO, what’s the only type of outfit that’s still expanding on our High Streets?

The fish spa craze appears to have come and gone, the coffee bar boom seems to have slowed down, new nail stylists are still popping up here and there, but there’s only one retail sector that still seems to be in booming health. Charity shops.

Now I’m not going to start moaning about the proliferation of charity shops in our town centres – they’re a key part of the retail mix, and my mother-in-law isn’t the only keen shopper I know who will make her destination decisions based on how many chances she will have to ferret around for a bargain.

Most of the books and CDs piled up around Dee Towers waiting for eyes and ears to become available were snapped up from charity shop shelves, and I’ve bagged plenty of other bargains in my time.

But if I was trying to make a living in a conventional town centre shop, I reckon I would feel pretty aggrieved.

Bona fide businesses have to pay rent, council tax, wages and all sorts of other overheads – and buy in the stock they sell.

Charity shops, on the other hand, get all sorts of breaks, rely on willing volunteers to man the tills and are always begging for your cast-offs to stick on the rails.

Nothing wrong with that, I’m all for recycling, I’d rather give my money to a good cause than a faceless corporate giant – but you have to ask yourself whether they’re not getting too many advantages when compared to hard-pressed retailers up and down the country.

Let’s be honest, the charity shop model has moved on.

Once upon a time, you’d only find shambolic, slightly smelly, outlets on the edge of the town centre, supporting obscure and often local causes.

But while there are still a few examples of that sort of Aladdin’s Cave emporium in operation, most of the charity shops – even those supporting local causes – are slick retail operations.

When you step over the threshold and see shiny wood floors, colour coded racks of clothes, books filed in alphabetical order and mission control till systems, you don’t really know whether it’s a charity chain or a mainstream business.

Nothing wrong with that, either – good causes ought to be using every means at their disposal to raise as much cash as they can.

But let’s level the playing field. How? By introducing a charity shop licence, with a grading system that takes into account the different level of organisations involved.

So a corner shop on a back street in aid of distressed ferrets, run by a few locals with a pet project to support, get all the breaks going.

A chain in support of a local good cause should be at the next level, paying an agreed rate for the privilege of trading on the High Street.

And national charities should pay top whack, to recognise their clout.

But the money from all those licences could only be used to support the area in which the shops operate – either for general improvements, or to help other retailers who are up against it and don’t get so many breaks.

As they always say, charity begins at home...

THE Rotary Club of Thame is asking residents to check their sheds and lofts and donate their old tools for charity.

Every year the Rotary Club of Thame runs a collection point for unwanted tools.

This year, the event will be held in the main car park in Thame near the Market House, Montesson Square on Saturday, May 12 between 9am and 2pm.

These are then taken to Tools for Self Reliance near Southampton, which is a charity which refurbishes the tools and sends them to NGO’s in Africa.

Rotarian Erroll Bateman said: “The Rotary Club of Thame would like to encourage everyone to check their garages and lofts and bring their unwanted items to us to give the craftsmen in Africa a chance to put their skills to good use for the benefit of their community as we believe it is a worthy cause.”

For more visit www.thame.rotaryweb.org